Wilder-bu 2015, Part 2

If you missed part 1, this may not make much sense. And this is really long, so you might want to grab a snack...

Please read Part 1...you'll want this to make sense. (If you're reading this via email, you can go to my Facebook page and explore the "Notes" section.)

So yes. We stayed in Neverland. We called the lost boys and girls home to the Father...

Crossing over...

...and after three chilly nights, we went to a Wednesday evening service preached by the ineffably gifted (...and fashionable), Judah Smith, who had decided to change his message on the plane down to that service...to the story of Joshua crossing the Jordan River, into the Promised Land!


 Amazing. That night, due to some awesome and brave communication by our leader to the head of the place where we were staying,  earlier in the day, (...and prayers for an upgrade...), we were upgraded into the retreat center. Still nothing fancy, but we had WALLS and central heat and separate bathrooms and living quarters for boys and girls!

...out of the wilderness, we crossed into our own little promised land!




Ok, so honestly, I have had a very, very, very hard time writing my account of my mission trip, for so many reasons. Please hear my heart.

Can I please be real with y'all for a minute?

I feel really weird saying I went on a ministry trip, and that I'm in ministry school.

Ok. There. I said it.

[More on why in another post...]

Another reason is that sometimes, harnessing my thoughts and putting them into words is like herding kittens and teaching them to "sit" and "stay". Or trying to potty train crocodiles. That thought just came to mind...

ahem...Now back to our regularly scheduled program...

Ok. So. Another reason is that I have a lot of friends whom I love a lot. Not all my friends share the same views and values, and not every one of them understands the choice I've made to come to BSSM. Most have been really hurt by organized religion, and namely the church. You know what? So have I. Over and over and over and over.

Some still adhere to very religious mindsets, and that's ok. I love them, too. My heart is that every one of my work friends, soul sisters and brothers, blood relatives and BFFs, casual acquaintances, (...and favorite baristas...), would know they are loved, have a unique destiny, and are fiercely loved by their Father. (The One in Heaven, Who is as close as the other side of your last breath...)

...and that they are loved by me.

Now get this: I have definitely raised some eyebrows because I will never identify myself as a "Christian."  I refuse to be identified with a group of people who look nothing like the One with Whom they claim to be associated.

I have also been ferociously persecuted and ostracized by religious communities (and people) for loving and embracing Holy Spirit, and for being a [GASP!]...woman pursuing "ministry."

[...more on all these thoughts in another post...]

There are some things that happened on this trip that were deeply personal to me, and I'm going to do my best to describe them in a way everyone can understand, without having anyone misunderstand my heart...or worse, be hurt by my words. So please, if you have any questions or need clarification on any point, (on anything I've written thus far...), please message me, and we'll discuss.

So yes. We loved people. And God, in His gentle and sometimes sneaky way, blessed and healed my heart as only He could.

A lot of the people I encountered on this trip shared some of my same experiences, and it was amazing to be able to be on the other side of things and show them that there is hope!

Some explanation is probably in order...

As a child, I was raised in some fairly legalistic "Christian" denominations. I was raised with the understanding that I was a terrible sinner, and that God chose certain people to be saved. I was raised to believe that women were worth less (...did you get that...worthless...) than men, and that was all backed up by Scripture, which is of course the Word of God, and therefore, inerrant and the basis of all Truth and Wisdom.

This led to me running from, but at the same time, trying to be perfect and please, an angry God. I knew God was real, (I had a whole host of medical issues as a child and flat-lined more than once, and encountered God...if you're curious, perhaps I'll share more an that...), but I thought He hated me, and had scripture to prove I was "worth less". I was terribly conflicted.

One of the fiercest points of contention was that of dance. I knew I was born to dance. I remember asking Jesus for ballet lessons as a kid (...sitting on a hay bale, brushing my pet my cow, named Lucibelle...), then walking in the house, and my mother telling me she and my dad had enrolled me in ballet lessons as my Christmas present.

 But dancing was not allowed in our religious community. If I invited friends over, and we put music on in my room, I would start to dance and they would sit on my bed and stare at me, desperately trying to get me to stop. (...this same scene played out when I lived across the street from a major "Christian" college...I was friends with some students, and we'd have secret dance parties to TobyMac in the dormitory kitchen [cough cough...Houghton Hall...cough cough])

Ok, so let's fast-forward through all the years of feeling conflicted, suicidal, and scared of God.

I then met some lovely people who were not religious and who loved Jesus very much. They introduced me to love without control and a God who was most definitely not in a box.

[Haha! Fitting. It's Easter weekend. Jesus didn't stay dead..in the box. He's definitely an out-of-the-box kinda God!]

Jesus also loved women. And dancing. And parties, and compassion, and left-out people, and children. And the Bible says He's the exact representation of the Father, Whom the Bible describes as One who is only capable of giving good gifts.

Ok. Awesome.

So back to my trip.

Since I was a very little girl, (ok...young...I was never really "little"), I have dreamed of living in California. When I would play with my sisters, I would play "college" with them, and we'd be living on-campus at a school in California, and our fridge would be stocked with things California people ate, like sushi, and tofu and beansprouts and hummus...

As a teenager, I wanted to apply to three schools: Pepperdine, USC and UCLA. I was strictly forbidden.

And last week, I was literally SENT to all. Three. Campuses.

[...happy dance...]

dancing is ok...

 

My trip was filled with meeting mostly college students who were curious about being loved by this God. Many had been raised as I had, in religious homes and communities, and were curious about this God who loved them and calls them "friend" and "beloved,"...so I got to tell them about that God.

And I also got to show them that He likes dancing...even in church and church-related events!

I also met a bunch of amaze-balls artists and industry people in LA who LOVE Jesus, but are kind of in the same boat...they know they are definitely NOT the "in-the-box" sort, and some have trouble really realizing they could be loved by a God who is often perceived as angry, stern, distant and...urgh...linear.

 So we were able to re-assure them that as artists, they are very close to His heartbeat, because He is Creator, so when we create, we act like Him! And further, we reflect His nature in the world around us and show others what He is like!

[...and I was a guest in a DTLA loft. I have a (locked) Pinterest board dedicated to DTLA lofts. Dream. Come. True.]

We were also able to spend part of a day with the wonder-full Doug Addison. He's where it's at, people...such a huge heart of LOVE, and incredibly wise! (His wife and his team are awesome, too!!!)

He taught us for several hours about dream interpretation and tattoo reading, and then led us on an adventure on Venice Beach, interpreting people's tattoos and dreams. We got to bring so much hope, joy, peace and love to people...it was SO amazing!!! (For those of you wondering, I did not interpret any tattoos on the man wearing a metallic thong and a live boa constrictor.)

And we did some paddle boarding. In Malibu. On a private beach. And I actually participated, even though it required being wet, and sharing my ocean with...fish. (The dolphins appeared after I left the water...I think they knew I would have flipped out if they decided to make an appearance whilst I was out there on my board...so polite of them...)

We closed our trip by ministering to the couple who had been overseeing our part of the campground during or Wilder-bu saga. They were familiar with Bethel and it was such an honor to speak life, encouragement, hope to them! They truly amazing people!

And my team. My everlasting Wilder-bu'15 family. Epic people. Each one of them is a planet-shaking world changer.

 (...and they are a forgiving lot.

 I made some less than powerful choices, when, after days of being an introvert surrounded by people 24/7, living outdoors, and being under-caffeinated and overstimulated, I gave every evil Disney queen a run for her money and chose to let some choice words fly, and curl up into a ball, blaring Jay-Z on my headphones.

They extended peace to me, and loved me back into the realm of the living. They rock.

And from them I learned, again, that I am loved even when I make less-than-stellar choices.)

Wilder-bu '15 Family (...minus Anders, the epic photographer)

Selah. Amen.